Monte B Cowboy
Oct 31, 2012 7:51am
Re: "I taped the Grateful Dead numerous times in 1973. I've never been a sheeple."13 Ways to Be a Sheeple
(and guarantee you'll never tape anything)
-- written by Eduard Ezeanu
When you’re a sheeple, life is very simple. Each day you wake up, go to work, get back home, watch some TV, eat three meals and take one good shit. You’re not exactly living to your full potential, but you’re not stressing yourself either.
And being a sheeple is not hard, which is probably why lots of folks are doing an excellent job at being one. There is just a small set of specific things you have to do, and you’re guaranteed to be a certified sheeple. Here they are:
01. Emulate Other People’s Goals in Life
02. Always Follow the Latest Trends
03. Buy Expensive Stuff just because it’s From Famous Brands
04. Hang Out With Mediocre People
05. Get All Your Information from Mainstream Media
06. Don’t Stay Too Well Informed
07. Adopt the Opinions of the Majority
08. Always Obey Authority Figures
09. Avoid Disapproval like the Plague
10. Reject Divergent Ideas by Default
11. Let Inertia Be Your Guide
12. Judge Others Based On Appearances and Stereotypes
13. If Your Life Sucks, Blame the System
If you live by the rules I outlined so far, without any doubt, your life will suck. Yes, it will be simple and uncomplicated, but it won’t be fun and fulfilling either. Your emotions will mostly swing from boredom to mild amusement to frustration to depression to boredom again.
You’ll have little noticeable accomplishments and the main “adventures” you’ll go through will be stuff like spending an entire night at the office to get “an important report” ready for the next day.
When they realize their life sucks, the distinctive reaction of any authentic sheeple is to blame the system. So, do this.
Convince yourself that it’s not your fault; it’s the system’s fault. The system should have taken care of all your needs and make you happy, without requiring you to think for yourself, not believe everything you’re told, have initiative, find your own path and follow it.
Assuming responsibility for your own existence implies thinking responsibly and rationally. And that’s not what a sheeple does. It’s so much easier to blame the system! Your life will continue to suck, it will probably get worse with every passing day, but at least you will not feel guilty about it.
Okay! You now have the precise instructions for being a sheeple. I hope it’s obvious from the tone of this article that I showed you these instructions hoping that you’ll to the exact opposite of what they prescribe. This article is intended as a satire.
However, if taking the easy path is more important to you than living the best life you can, than by all means, follow these instructions. After all, that’s what a good sheeple does. It follows. And it’s possible that society needs sheeple, just as it needs free thinkers.